


Ugh

by yeaka



Series: WTF Universe [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Ficlet, Fluffverse, M/M, Silly, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 03:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1288813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sex pollen confuses the fluffverse with the smutverse, but unfortunately, Jim’s allergic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ugh

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Drabble for “Sex Pollen Orgy w/Enterprise Crew but Jim's allergic, so while it affects everyone else but him so he can't cross it off his bucket list” request on [my tumblr](http://yeaka.tumblr.com/) by deasuluna.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Trek or any of its contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

Sending Spock was the obvious choice. As a Vulcan with rigid discipline, it made sense that he’d hold out the longest and actually _make_ it to sickbay, unlike Rand, wherever she got off to. ...Besides, if Jim had gone himself, he wouldn’t have been exposed to the airborne virus long enough to be fully affected. 

...Just long enough to get a bright red nose and a wicked sneezing fit. He rubs his face in his elbow after another involuntary spasm, watching light zoom past the turbolift walls. He’s gone himself, now. No choice; Spock didn’t come back. And clearly today won’t be the day Jim gets to cross ‘sex pollen orgy’ off his bucket list, anyway. He sighs at the thought of the bridge he’s leaving behind—he’s the _captain_ , for goodness sakes; if anyone’s getting up to shenanigans on his ship, he should be at the head of it. 

But that didn’t happen, and he can’t just go violating members of his crew whilst still fully sober, even if a giddy pair of half-naked Sulu and Chekov practically stumbled into his lap in their childish antics. He only just managed to get out of his chair in time for Chekov to finally be thrown over it and divested of his pants, Sulu mounting him while Uhura wandered closer to watch. While the doors of the turbolift closed, Jim saw the dopey-grinned helmsman sliding into the giggling navigator, and now Jim’s having to spend the short ride down having to get that pretty cock and prettier ass out of his head. He’s already never going to hear the end of this embarrassing allergy, let alone if he shows up to get it cured with a pre-existing boner. 

The doors open, and Jim’s off down the hall, desperately trying not to rub his sore nose or blink his puffy eyes too much—they’re probably red-rimmed. But no one pays him any attention; the few crewmembers he passes are either pinned to the wall or already down on the floor, too lost in the throes of passion to notice the one lonely soul left. 

Sickbay is much the same, and Jim’s fast through the doors, weaving around the various medical beds and horny nurse/patient couplings on his way to Bones’ back office. He turns the corner and he—

He stops dead. His mouth falls open, and for a minute he just _stares_. He blinks and barely hears the door sliding shut behind him. Then he’s gripped by the overwhelming need to sneeze, and the sharp sound cuts through the moaning and slapping noises of the wild frenzy in front of him. 

Bones’ back snaps up from where he’s bent over the examination table, Spock lying on it with his legs spread around Bones’ waist and tunic rolled all the way up his stomach. He lifts up on his elbows, slightly wide-eyed, or as wide-eyed as a Vulcan can be, while Jim takes a step around them to check: yes, Bones’ thick cock is buried deep inside Spock’s ripe, green-tinged ass. They both look at him with a mixture of slight guilt and utter innocence, while Jim’s face wilts, hurt. 

“Oh, don’t pout,” Bones mutters, rolling his eyes, and his hips rock once; Spock groans. “It’s sex pollen, damnit! We can’t be held responsible!”

“You didn’t even bother to answer the comm!” Jim whines, never mind that: “And you’re fucking my t’hy’la!”

“Jim,” Spock half-moans, still draped along Bones’ table with his legs firmly wrapped around Bones’ waist, “This was not my intent, however, the effects are very strong, and as the doctor said, we cannot be held responsible.”

“You can when you didn’t invite me!” Jim’s face might be heating up to match his eyes. He can’t tell if he’s furious or just frustrated. Well. He knows it’s not their fault. And he’s messed around with Bones a bit, not sex, never cheated, Spock always knew, they both do it, but still— _Still_. He doesn’t have sex with other men without inviting Spock. 

But he’s not drugged on alien spores. He crosses his arms over his chest while Bones and Spock look at each other, eyes so dilated that it’s possible they can’t even see each other straight. After a minute, Bones looks back at him and says, “Alright, kid—you take his mouth, then we’ll switch up.”

As tempted as Jim is, he forces himself to shake his head, then whines more pathetically than he means to, “No, I... I can’t do that. You’re drugged and I’m... friggin’ sober. I’d be taking advantage.” Bones looks at him funnily like that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever even though it completely does. 

But then Bones shrugs and says, “Suit yourself.” He points past Jim, and Jim glances at a chair in the corner. “Take a seat, I’ll treat you when I’m done making baby Vulcans.”

“Doctor, even in our heightened states, it is physically impossible for the two of us to—”

“Shut up, Spock, I was making a point.” And he promptly sets back in to continuing it, which sets Spock to falling back down, body arching and mouth releasing a languid groan as Bones returns to properly fucking him. 

And Jim has nothing to do but sit down in the corner, incredibly bitter, feeling like a scolded child. In reality, he’s the only right-headed person on the ship. He sneezes again. Maybe the pollen will wear off in a bit. Or maybe it’s just taking a while to get to him. 

At least he has a show in the meantime.


End file.
